Write. Read. Repeat.

In trying to stay true to my first ever list of New Year’s resolution, one of which writing something everyday, if I feel that there may be something remotely close to being good enough to share, I will.

I want to talk about routines and how the lack of one gives me almost as much anxiety as having one.

Now, what the hell do I mean by that? I mean that not having a schedule is awful. Things seems like they get missed or forgotten, I always feel like I am rushing around, and it feels like there is never enough time to breath. However, when I can get myself in a routine, things go immaculately well. So, why would that give me anxiety?

I’m sure a lot of people can relate to the statement “when things are going good, they make me nervous that they are going too good”. While this is definitely a part of it for me, I get anxiety over the feeling of that routine getting disrupted and disappearing fully.

This probably sounds like I cannot adapt well, and maybe that is more true than I like to acknowledge, but there is something unique about the way I feel when I do and do not have a routine that is working. Maybe there is some part of my “rigorous” (we will call it) childhood with an odd combination of strict rules and oddly free liberties, but let’s not get that deep about it. Pretty sure a therapist’s chair would be better suited for that conversation than a blog post, but let’s just table that for now.

*Disclaimer for the next bit: I am not claiming to be an expert here; which should be clear by the existence of everything I have ever written here*

So, what do you do when your routine is not working? Shake it up. Do not be scared to try new things. Look up “too good to be true” the “it girls” post on Pinterest. Just try something different. The two most important things about setting a new schedule is consistency and discipline. But those are easier said than done.

So, what do you do when your routine is working well? Don’t let that “what if” voice try and ruin it for you. My best advice is to do nothing. If you found a groove that works for you and you want to cling to it for dear life, do nothing. Do not change a single thing and just keep going.

Now, this is not real advice, as both the statements I made above are common sense (which I know a sad number of people lack) but sometimes you just have to hear what your brain already knows to be true. It is helpful to just see someone else struggling or going through the same thing you are.

That is sort of the point of this blog, if it was to have such a thing. This is how I try to provide everything that makes you take a beat, a breath, a second, but give you nothing that you do not already possess with in yourself.

Ok, cheesy and gross, I know, but it’s true. In trying to cure myself of the imposter syndrome I find myself in in almost all aspects of my life, this is one thing I am coming to terms with. I know I can have the life I want, I just need to hear it. I just need that small semblance of validation to say “fuck you” to that shitty little voice.

Try it.